Reject convenience.

Tolerate irritation and learn to distinguish it from anger.

LLL Hill

Jun 07, 2026

Panel two: Tolerate irritation Image: the same person has shaggy hair and is sweating again. We see them from the neck up, looking down, frowning, with obsessive thoughts circling their head: an alarm clock; the NO and CANCELED icons; and two people with wide open mouth, eyes rolling back, saying "blah blah blah"

Panel three: and learn to distinguish Image: a double-headed arrow has two faces at either end. Pointing to the left, tne face is frowning, with a zigzag mouth, closed eyes and sweat dripping down the brow. Pointing to the right, the other head has an open, anguished mouth, tears falling from its chin, and Xs for eyes.

Panel four: it from anger. Image: our protagonist is depicted in a long shot, full body, with two exclamation points above their head. Arms outstretched, they shout, "this is wrong. This is wrong!" Around them we see: an apple with a $100 label; hands clutching the bars of a prison cage; and a bomber plane dropping two missiles.

Panel five: channel your anger. Image: the same person is on the right, with a determined look. They clasp the hand of another, making eye contact from the left. The new friend is wearing a keffiyeh wrapped around their mouth, nose and brow. They clasp one another's hands, flexing as though they are about to arm wrestle. Veins stick out, tracing their bulging muscles. Fire envelops their tightly gripping palms.

Panel six: savor the anticipation. Image: we see the friends in a wide shot. They are smiling co-conspiratorily one another as they grip the bars of a TNT device. We see a gas can, metal shears, and a small hammer laying beside them. The TNT box leads to a long fuse, about to explode. Our protagonist says, "no matter what happens, I want you to know I love you buddy." Their friend responds, "wanna fuck while we wait?" "Hell yeah," is the reply.

Yesterday I spent 3.5 hours doing a task via bus and walking that would have taken me 45 minutes in a car. I was grumpy about it until I acquiesced to my reality (can’t afford car) and then you know what? I spent quality time co-regulating with my environment. I noticed interesting people and interacted with some of them. I muttered curses in the open breeze. I smelled flowers. My phone died and my jacket was too hot but the sun felt worse so I kept it on, and my hair looked bad and I was so sweaty but it didn’t matter. And I listened to the traffic with no music to distract me and I felt connected to and part of the great big grimy flow of slime we call life 🦠 and then I finished the task and enjoyed my evening because there actually was plenty of time to take the slow route.
🐢
At any given moment at least one of my significant relationships is under pressure, creaking and cracking as currents shift and events unfold. In the past I would panic and run around with bandaids, trying to smooth things over before the rupture reached the surface, eroding trust as a result. Now, instead, I wait - curious, sad, happy, accepting the reality that everything is always changing and I am too. Returning consistently, reliably to the discomfort and appreciating it for what it is, carefully selecting what to take personally (very little) and showing up full throated with love, grateful on the other side. And you know what? I’m in the strongest, richest, most trusting relationships I’ve ever experienced as a result.
🐌
Every day I wonder if I have what it takes to resist the state. Wondering is a waste of time. Instead, we stretch to disobey in small ways every day, staying limber for the larger moment. We stand outside the stream of racial capitalism to get our bearings, blinking bleary eyes, eyes contacting the others (so many others) also pausing, digging in to pop off.
👁️

Pleasure Hex

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